Should I sent an email?
Do it in a phone call?
Or the dreaded in person breakup?
This isn't your typical breakup. This is about why I need to breakup with Massage Envy.
Yup. You read that right. Massage Envy.
The blissful place I've been going for several years on a monthly basis for
amazing mediocre massages.
It seemed like a great idea when I became a member. It was cheap. The money would automatically come out of my account and it would force me to go once a month. I really need massages. For real. My leg muscles - especially on the right are very tight. Thanks MS! My upper back and shoulders always have knots. Thanks stressful job! So I really need regular massages. They make me feel a lot better.
BUT. . .
They don't make me feel that much better when they suck. And the massages I've been receiving for many, many months suck. Yup, I just said suck. Twice. Deal with it.
This my friends is why I need to break up with Massage Envy. It may be cheaper than those fancy salons but you get what you pay for. I'm not really sure why it has taken me SO long to figure this out.
I guess I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm to picky? Maybe the next
date massage will be better. Nope, nope, nope.
This is one time where I can say with confidence:
It's not me it's YOU!!!
I've tried. I've tried really hard. I've tried two different locations and had massages by 4 different therapists at each. Some I've gone back to many times. They've been ok. Not great but pretty good. Others have been bad. Terrible really.
Like the most recent one - on my birthday. All I wanted was a relaxing massage to help me forget about turning another year older. Instead I got "the choker." Yup he tried to choke me. I've never had a neck and throat massage like that but I hope I never do again. Dislike. I asked him for a full body massage. He massaged my back, neck, shoulders and face. I guess he considers that full body? What about my legs and arms buddy!? Oh and the face massage was just creepy. But I guess at this point I was just annoyed and wanted it to be done. I think my neck is still recovering. This massage will be referred to as the straw that broke the camels back. AKA the reason I need to break up with Massage Envy.
Some of the other bad
The one when the chick talked.THE.ENTIRE.TIME! As in didn't shut-up. Stop asking me questions. I'm trying to relax. I don't want to make small talk!!!!!
The one when the woman (who was recommended to me by the manager after I complained about the chick above) had nasty stale cigarette breath. So the whole time I was laying on my back she was breathing on me, in my face and her breath was gross. Cigarettes = gross. Not conducive for relaxing massage. All the mints in the world were not helping her.
The one when the guy had a way different definition of "medium" pressure than I did. Ouch! I pretty much was holding my breath the entire massage. I asked several times for "less pressure." Clearly we were not speaking the same language. Oh and the next day I was very sore. Not fun.
The one when the girl used a lot of lotion. Like a lot. Excessive amounts really. And it was cold. Again not relaxing. I felt like I had to towel off at the end.
So there you have it. Some examples of my massage experiences. Can you understand now why I need to break up with Massage Envy?
So yesterday I go onto their website hoping I can do it online. No such luck. I call. She tells me I need to come in and sign a paper. She also mentions I have one unused massage in my account. So I figure what the heck - I'll schedule a massage and while I'm there I'll sign the paper.
I made it with my favorite person I've found thus far. She is actually good. But she doesn't work that often and it is the location that isn't as easy for me to get to on a week night.
Oh and the girl on the phone asked me why I wanted to cancel. I lied. Played it off like I just needed a break. Should I admit my real reasons when I go in for the actual breakup? I'm still undecided.
I'll keep you posted.
Have you ever had to breakup with your massage therapist? Hair dresser? Nail person?
Local friends please help. . . where in the Boston area is a good place to go for a massage?
I need a recommendation! Please help!!
This is just my experience. You may have had a great experience at Massage Envy. I'm sure every location and every therapist is different and I've just had bad luck. They do not know I'm posting about them and I do not plan on sharing it with them! I guess I have about the same luck with finding good massages as I do with finding good dates!